Chapter Nine: Being Brave
I’m almost 2 hours into my 3rd gallbladder attack since Saturday. The doc told me today that we need to get bloodwork & an ultrasound ASAP & in the next breath said she’s fairly certain the gallbladder needs to come out. Joy. Sent me off with a look of pity & instruction to stay away from fatty foods. (And if you’re a client reading this, just know there are some sick days in my very near future, starting now.)
So, it’s like a kidney stone attack (I’ve had 5) but in a different spot. It lasts a few hours and then subsides and you can get some sleep. It’s so fucking painful..makes you cry & throw up & you can’t get comfortable & you cuss a lot. Horribly unpleasant would be putting it mildly.
I was just having a conversation with a friend yesterday about fear. She’s one of the strongest people I know, but with this particular happening in her life, she was frozen in fear. Tonite I’m the one who’s scared. Scared about surgery. Freaking that this thing will burst when I’m home alone. Petrified to eat & have another episode.
In the midst of my cries, I heard, “Follow your own advice.” These are the things I told my friend:
1. It’s new territory. How cool is that? Keep moving, keep walking, keep learning.
2. You are exactly where you’re supposed to be. The Universe has blessed you with a built in lesson to build your character.
3. Do not spend time & energy on what is not within your control. It’s wasteful & has never worked to change a damn thing.
4. Asking yourself “Why?” is of no benefit. The reason doesn’t matter. It’s what you do with the moment.
5. Yes, it hurts so bad. Stay there for a little while. It’s a part of being human.
6. Courage isn’t picky. The same fortitude it takes to win a rugby game is the same you can use to get through a broken relationship.
7. Be still. Listen. Your team of guides up there will know what to do.
8. Be grateful for the crap stuff in life & the mistakes & the failures because it’s building you up to be the person you were meant to be in this world.
9. You haven’t changed. Only your perception of yourself at this moment has. You are still a badass. The guilt & shit talk is making you more scared. Quit it. File those thoughts away to make room for the ones that will pull you out of this thing in a healthy way.
10. There was probably more, but I can’t remember right now & only having 9 things would be too weird.
The episode has ended finally. Wish me luck in the days to come. Yes, my advice helped.
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